Why Is My Makeup Rejecting Me?!

So today is the day, the first full day of my Toronto vacation. I’m currently typing from my hotel room, and let’s just put out there that I DID try to be a good roommate and work in the business centre…but the internet is awful in there (figures). So I’m that asshole of a roommate clicking away at her laptop while people get their beauty sleep, but blog posts can not wait!

So being that this weekend is a YouTube festival, and I am a beauty vlogger, my makeup for the weekend needs to be ON POINT. I planned the outfits, packed my regular makeup routine, and yet somehow, when I went to get ready this morning…everything looked like crap. Why?! Why do you punish me this way, makeup universe?

My foundation was just SITTING on my face, the powder was caking, my eyebrows were lopsided, it was just a whole ordeal over nothing! I ended up applying the tiniest bit of foundation, concealer, eye makeup and going “screw it”. But I found it interesting that this ONE day, everything was wrong.

It’s one of two things; a) my face is having a meltdown over nothing and rejecting makeup, or b) I am having a meltdown over nothing and my face is rejecting makeup. I believe it is a confidence issue. I’m wearing a dress I’ve never worn before, in a city I don’t live in, with people I only see once a year…it’s an anxiety meltdown just WAITING to happen. So I’m considering myself lucky that my makeup is the biggest problem and I have yet to just freak out all together.

So if you’re ever having one of those mornings, where everything seems wrong, just take a deep breath and recognize that you look beautiful no matter what. Makeup is just makeup and if it isn’t working that day, don’t wear it!

Just thought I’d ramble about my my morning….I have yet to have a coffee, which is extremely important.

Till next time,

Katie

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Let’s Talk About…Not Feeling Good Enough

It’s 8pm on a Friday. I’ve been sitting at my desk for 2 hours with no idea what to write about. I don’t have any makeup tips today, funny stories, or advice. All I have is doubt. Doubting my videos, my blog posts, everything I’ve ever created for That Geek Online and anything I ever will create. It’s shitty, and it makes me sad.

I’ve been caught in a content rut since SFC September. SFC September went SO well, because of other women. The amazing women doing the interviews provided content for a few weeks and when it was over….it was just me. This blog is, at the end of the day, just me. I’ve forgotten how to put myself 100% out there, and it’s not fair to you, me, or anyone if I fake my way through blog posts. So here it is, me…putting ME back into the posts. Hi, hello, my name is Katie and I’m not usually this sappy and dramatic, I promise. So for today, let’s just talk. Talk about something I think everyone deals with; not feeling good enough. 

Whether its in your career, a relationship, or a family situation, we have all felt lesser than others at some point. It’s not your fault that you compare yourself to others, because it’s what we know. There is a countless amount of media out there TELLING you to feel bad about yourself.

“Do you feel fat? Try this workout plan! This diet pill! This celebrity meal plan!”

“That acne of yours is pretty gross, you should buy this concealer.”

“OOOOOH! You have a crush on a boy? Dye your hair blonde with this box dye, he’ll definitely like you then!”

I’m calling bullshit on all the things. All this “put you down” marketing because it instills the idea that we can not be happy with ourselves, flaws and all. I can’t look at a successful blogger without thinking my blog is awful. Or a famous YouTuber without thinking that everything I’m doing is wrong. Thinking that this amazing, fun little internet home of mine is a waste of my time.

So what next? How do you get rid of this crappy feeling? Reevaluate why you are doing what you are doing and why you’re awesome at it. Chances are, you are just (like me) having a random meltdown and everything is fine. If everything isn’t fine and the times you doubt your content outweigh the times you look at it and go “fuck yeah!”, maybe its time to try something different.

I’m going to be okay, this blog is going places and I know it but wow, it felt nice to vent in this post. Maybe I’ll do more of these Lets Talk posts, because no matter what’s going on in your brain, you aren’t alone! Oh, and you are good enough.

Thanks for reading my little rant/vent/advice(?) post.

Till next time,

Katie

The Past 24 Hours of Anxiety

Well…well…well, it seems my brain has decided to sync up with national awareness weeks now. What do I mean? Well, the the past 24 hours have been exhausting for me and brain, and with this being my internet home, why wouldn’t I talk about the shitty aspects of my life too? I’m human.

So yesterday I went to a social media lesson/seminar/thingy (for lack of a better word), and I was fine. Everything was fine. Learned a lot and had a lot of fun. But despite this, by the time it ended, I was having a full blown anxiety attack. Over nothing. I was red, patchy, my temperature has risen and I was suddenly terrified to be in a place that had many of friends in it. What gives, Brain? Why do you do this to me?

It carried on throughout the night, causing me to not sleep well. Super fun stuff, really. But then all day today was just the worst. A never ending sense of dread, thinking I haven’t accomplished enough both at work and in ThatGeekOnline, and fearing the worst in every situation. I ended up leaving work 20 minutes early because I felt like I was just going to burst into tears over nothing.

Why am I telling you this? It’s not something I do easily, allowing myself to be completely vulnerable on the internet for judgement and opinions. But ANXIETY IS OKAY! It’s nothing to be ashamed of, as is any other mental illness. It’s an uncontrollable thing and we have to allow ourselves to go “THIS ISN’T ME!”. You are fine. You are accomplishing enough. You are where you need to be. Your brains inability to see this right now is not your fault.

I’ll be fine. It’s all temporary and come tomorrow, or the next day, or even the day after that, I will be back to normal. Because that’s what anxiety is for me. It lays dormant behind the curtains for me, giving me irrational fears and the feeling that everyone I meet hates me. But every once and a while, it pops up and for lack of a better term….just fucks me right up.

I hope my rant-y blog post made some of you feel a bit better. Or maybe it just made you feel like you know me a bit better now. Who knows? I just felt like typing and connecting with you all, even if only one of you reads this.

Till next time,
Katie

Interviewing Myself | SFC September

The final interview for SFC September is with myself, woooooah. I wanted to offer my insight on being a strong female and be a part of my own series, that just makes sense….I think. Also it’s like a “DOOOON’T YOU FORGET ABOUT MEEE”, because the interviewees may have only been here for one post, but you guys are stuck with me. Sorry about that.

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But before I get into this, I want to say a HUGE thank you to every other amazing woman who has been a part of this series. It wouldn’t have been the same without your stories and your advice. You truly are some amazing strong female characters. 


Tell the readers a bit about yourself.

You guys know me! I run this blog and a YouTube channel, where I combine my geekiness with beauty and help women embrace their inner/outer beauty.

What do you think is the greatest strength you have, and how do you bring that out in the work you do?

I think my greatest strength is the fact that I’m an extrovert. I am a total people person, always striving to connect with new people and form relationships, whether they are professional or personal. This has helped me so much in creating ThatGeekOnline because I care a lot about interacting with each and every one of you. I hope that when you read these posts, it feels like we are just chatting over coffee about makeup and geeky things.

What do you “geek out” over?

Well first of all, How I Met Your Mother. Not a normal “geek” thing, but it is my OBSESSION. I watch it (well, listen to it, it’s background noise), listen to related podcasts, and I even have a HIMYM tattoo! Other geeky favorites include Star Trek, Sanctuary, Diablo, and celebrity autobiographies.

How do you express your femininity on a daily basis?

I’m a beauty guru, so I do wear makeup on a pretty regular basis, which makes me feel feminine. In addition to this, I never wear pants. If I’m not at work, I am in a dress/skirt because lets face it, pants are stupid.

Do you find you are treated differently when you act more feminine? As if you can’t be strong and powerful?

YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. So funny story, I worked at a makeup store for a year and a half, run by five men and I swear, I have never felt more small! Being in a place where I had to be “pretty” and I wasn’t in charge made me feel powerless, and as if I wasn’t worth as much because I was just the salesperson, couldn’t deal with the business side of things. I ended up being a manager for a year, and I rocked it, so yeah, being pretty and powerful can go hand in hand. It’s ridiculous that we even have to still talk about these things.

Who are your biggest female role models? How have they helped shape who you are today?

Well my mom, of course, because as much as I made fun of it as a teen, she is a huge geek. It rubbed off on me, and well…here we are. Other role models are Sam Maggs (who I did an interview with, check it out here), Demi Lovato, and more recently, Felicia Day! I just finished her book and I am obsessed with her work in the internet world. GEEK GIRLS UNITE!

How do you deal with people you can’t like things “because you are a girl”? Have you encountered this?

I had someone tell me once that I didn’t really like Star Wars, I was just pretending in order to get guys. Why would I force myself to watch 6 films and spend money on film related things, if I could just show more cleavage instead. #LOGIC

I get so many people asking me if I am a real geek, questioning the work I do, questioning my nerdiness just because I am a girl. And the fact that most of this blog is about makeup doesn’t help. What’s girlier than makeup? You can’t be a geek girl and wear eyeshadow too! That’s BLASPHEMY! I I decided that embracing my femininity and my love for makeup has helped me leaps and bounds in the nerd world. “Why yes, I am a geeky makeup guru, let me help with your cosplay!” How often do you hear that? It feels kind of awesome to have my girly and nerdy corner of the internet.

What advice would you give to young women who are afraid to express who feel like they can’t be a strong female?

Fuck ’em! For real! You are the first and last you that will ever inhabit this Earth and you deserve to feel beautiful while you do the things you love. You want to wear a strong winged liner and study science? I support you! Red lips and you’re writing a graphic novel? You kick ass! We express ourselves in so many ways, why can’t cosmetics be one of those ways?

I believe that you will do great things, and when you believe that too, it becomes true. I know each and every one of you have gone through difficult things and you are still here, meaning you are strong. Believe that you are a strong female, and you will become the strong female character of your story, up there with Janeway and Knope. Go show the world what you’re made of.


That’s it, folks! That’s the end of SFC September. Where did the time go? Thank you to everyone who was a part of this, all the interviewees and YOU, the readers! I couldn’t have asked for a more inspiring group to write for! Even though this series is over, it’s just the beginning for this blog. So much more great content and so many more posts interacting with all of you! Get excited, because it is going to be so much fun. And if you just got here, HELLO, follow this blog! Because I appreciate it!

Till next time,
Katie